Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Perfect. Just as I am.
My daughters think I am perfect. Beautiful. At 7am in the morning, just out of bed, with hair tousled and makeup smeared, I am beautiful. "The most beautiful Mommy in the whole wide world," is what they say. I am not naive enough to believe them. I know there are far more beautiful mommies out there in the world than I. But to them, I am perfect. Just as I am. And I love them for that.
My husband thinks I am perfect. Beautiful. He's seen me at my best, and at my worst. Smaller, bigger, in labor or post op from surgery, with the flu or even hung over, he thinks I am beautiful. Stressed out, or laughing until I spit water out of my mouth, he thinks I am beautiful. I know it, because he tells me. I know it, because of how he looks at me - the way that only he has ever looked at me. The smile that tells me he loves me. The words. He is a handsome man, my husband. And he . . . in all his handsomeness . . . loves me. Just as I am. And I love him for that.
I know that not everyone thinks I am perfect or beautiful. Just as I am.
Some people think I could be the "before" person on a Weight Watchers campaign poster. They've even said so, in a crowded room. It's ok. I could be. I know it.
Some people probably even look at my husband and wonder how he married me. Why he married me. Why he stays married to me. He could easily get any woman on the planet. Really. And they have no problem saying it out loud. It's ok.
Some people think they have to tell you when you have gained weight. As if you don't already know you are on a downward spiral. As if you can't tell yourself when you are buttoning your jeans or putting your shoes on. It amuses me . . . this need to tell someone that they are getting heavy. Really?
I know I am not the best I can be.
But each and every day, I try.
I wake up each morning with the desire to leave the world a little better and a little brighter, when I close my eyes that night. I raise my daughters to love what is on the inside of a person. I accept you for who you are. I try, each and every day, to make good choices. To work on myself. To love others. To treat others as I wish to be treated.
I do not like to be watched. Judged. Criticized. By anyone.
I don't know anyone in the world who would like that.
I want to be loved. Accepted. Enjoyed. Cherished.
Just as I am.
No. I am not perfect. Never said I was. Never wanted to be.
And I am working on me.
Each and every day.
But today . . .
I am me. And I love me.
Just as I am.