Happy Birthday Katie!!!!

Eight years ago today, life changed for me

 . . . in the most miraculous way.

My baby is 8 today.

This baby.

Here she is, just this past Saturday, sporting a brand new side part haircut.

She is gorgeous, isn't she?

I mean . . . really gorgeous.

And what is even more gorgeous about her . . .

is what is inside of her.

Her heart. Her mind. Her spirit. Her soul.

Oh, I can't wait to see where life takes her.

And I'll be right here . . . watching her go

. . . picking her up when she needs it

. . . and cheering all the way.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of this little girl.

Happy Birthday Katie!

I LOVE YOU!

The Authentic Me

So many things touching my soul today . . . so many people making a big difference in my life. People who have no idea who I am. Isn't it amazing how we can touch each others lives without even knowing it?

My dear friend Leslie at {Words of Me} Project wrote a very touching post today, on finding herself in the midst of some difficult obstacles (pain) in life right now. I admire her more than words can say. While reading her post, I felt myself in awe of those people who are their authentic selves - on good days and bad. I often find myself traveling from blog to blog reading inspiring, motivating and creative posts and looking at creative pictures taken by people who, in my eyes, are just about as perfect as can be. While I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side - I wonder if they truly are as happy as it seems.

Authentic

au·then·tic

1: obsolete

2a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact

b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features 

c : made or done the same way as an original

3: not false or imitation : real, actual 

4: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character

Today, Leslie's post was as authentic as can be. She found herself in a vulnerable moment, and she shared it with us. And I love her for that. I encourage you to stop over and share some love with her.

When you are done at Leslie's, head over to Brene Brown's site here . . . she is my hero. I was introduced to her years ago by another blog friend of mine, and was immediately pulled into her words and inspired by her ideas. I've left many comments on her posts through the years, and remember once receiving a reply from Brene. That reply still sits in my "in" box - and just seeing her name there in my list of emails brings a reminder of being authentic. Yes, this whole idea of authenticity and living this authentic life is not mine alone. I first read the below from Brene years ago and it was then that I realized being authentic is how I want to live my life.

I am often amazed at this quest for an authentic creative life that I am on - this quest and need to have it in each and every part of my day. As I've shared with you before, I'll be attending "The Creative Connection Event" in September. I am THRILLED to be joining hundreds of other creative souls for a three day conference in Minnesota.  I feel as if I need this right now in my life, more than ever before. My Mom doesn't understand, though, and we recently found ourselves in a rather uncomfortable conversation about this upcoming conference. She has no idea why I need to go to this, why I feel it is ok to leave my family for five days, and how I can even think of doing such a thing. I guess she never will understand - as she is from a different time and place and doesn't have this need that I have. My creative pitcher has been empty for far too long. Attending this conference will make me a better ME

Authentic.

I strive to be authentic.

I have good days. I have bad days. But whatever the day is - I want to be the best me I can be. I want to soak up the positive energy of others. I want to learn from the challenges that others are faced with. I want to explore. I want to dream. I want to surrender to the ME inside.

Authentic.

That, I hope, is me.

Leslie? I am proud of you. And I love you, my dear friend.

"The Big One" and why I need new underwear

I had a pounding headache last night. One of those, “I need to go and lay down” sort of headaches. Don’t worry – I can’t even remember when I had one of these before and I am feeling tons better today. I think it was a combination of not drinking enough water during the day and the whole sinus/weather goofy/allergy crazy pounding head kind of day, you know?

So, after dinner, I told PG I had to lay down. I felt if I tried to keep functioning and doing things around the house, my brain would have exploded. That’s never a good thing.

So, I found my way to the bed and rested my head.

I think I’ve watched too many episodes of ER. That, or Greys Anatomy. Whatever the case – I was certain that it was “the big one.” You know, the Fred Sanford “I’m coming Elizabeth!” one. So, as I lay on my bed and could practically feel the gunk in my sinuses move from one side of my brain to the other, a good ol’fashioned “Random Thinking Moment” started and I began to think about what I would do if it really were “the big one.” Well, not so much what I would do . . . because I would pretty much be with the Big Guy upstairs. So, I guess it wouldn’t really matter for me. But what would PG do?

Then it hit me . . . Oh, dear Lord, I really need to get some new underwear.

Because if “the big one” hit me right now, and let’s say PG was too distraught to get my underwear for the undertaker, then my sister or my Mom would have to come over and help him get my underwear. And Lordy, if they saw the underwear I have been wearing (the underwear that is probably older than Ella and has been washed so many times that you could probably hold it up to the light and see right through it . . . and not in the sexy “see right through it lingerie” kind of way) . . . well, they would be appalled. Worse yet, what if PG did have to pick out my underwear . . . he might grab just any old pair. Or that pair that I keep in the drawer just because I like the pattern on it – but it’s so darn uncomfortable and always gets caught in the places where you just don’t want your undies caught. I mean, do I really need to spend the rest of my days with underwear in places I don’t want it? Why do I keep that pair, anyway? I need to get rid of it.

Come to think of it, I better clean out the whole underwear drawer. And not just that drawer – all of my drawers. Because they really are a disorganized mess and it’s a wonder that I am able to find anything in them. Yes, if it was “the big one” and my sister or my Mom had to come and get something out of my drawers, they would be appalled. So, it really wouldn’t be a good day for “the big one” because I have to clean out my bedroom drawers first, and go buy some new underwear.

What about my junk drawer in the kitchen? I mean, it’s a junk drawer. It’s meant to have junk in it, right? But every single time PG tries to look for something in the junk drawer, he has a mini-tantrum because nothing is easy to find, and I end up going over there and helping him find whatever it is that he needed (which usually is right on top, but men tend to have that “I can’t see it” mentality and can never find what is right there.) So, I really need to tidy that up a bit too, before “the big one” hits. Oh, and then there is the laundry room – my catch all. I have more craft supplies stacked up in plastic bins in there than you could even imagine. I suppose I should try and get that in order, before “the big one” hits. I mean, I have a bunch of notebooks and paints and craft kits in there that I hold on to for a rainy day and I don’t want PG to go out buying all this stuff that we already have, so I really need to get that together.

Hmmm . . come to think of it, I have 4 baskets of newly washed, dried and folded laundry that needs to be put away. Lord knows PG doesn’t have a clue where clean clothes are supposed to go. So, I had better get that done before “the big one” hits. Oh, and I never did finish cleaning out the girls closets and drawers for the season. Yep, I have to get that finished.

Oh, dear. We are supposed to go to a graduation party today, and I forgot to buy a card. I suppose if it is “the big one”, then PG probably won’t take the girls to the party. I’d imagine they’ll probably stay home and just think of me. I would like them to go. But I forgot the card – so I’ll have to somehow send a message to him that he needs to pick up a card – and stop at the cash station to put some money in the card (because he would probably forget to do that). Oh, dear. Yes. I have so much to do.

After about ½ hour of “resting” . . . I decided to get up. I couldn’t take much more "resting". And actually – my head was feeling a little bit better. So I went downstairs and drank a tall glass of water, and realized that it wasn’t “the big one”.

Ah . . .

I’m so glad. I didn’t feel like cleaning out my underwear drawer last night, anyway.

How about you . . . any drawers you need to clean out before it? Leave me a comment and let me know . . .

Words of Wisdom

A little positive message for the soul today.

I love all of those inspirational magnets, don't you?

This site (zazzle.com) has a great selection of them, and you can often customize the color backgrounds or the shape of the magnet. Great site for cool, inexpensive reminders.

I want one of every quote.

Because I can never stop learning from those wise souls who have been here long before me,

and who are so much wiser than I.

Wishing you a wonderful day of Peace.

It's a first ... meet my Art Journal

Well, it appears I'm spreading my wings and cooking up lots of new creative projects this week . . . all with the help of my dearest friends. On Wednesday, my cellar chum Cindi from "So That's Why" came over with her kids and we played and played all day long (well . . . Cindi and I played, and the kids just hung out.)

Cindi is a genius at the whole Art Journal thing, and sitting with her totally inspires me to DO IT . . . (I guess her giving me a journal and the gesso and practically placing the paint brush in my hand is what I needed to get off my bootie and stop saying, "Oh, I really want to do this, but . . . ") It took me a little while to get started, but here is my very first real live Art Journal.  

First, the cover:

I have to say, I LOVE how the cover turned out. I think my signature colors right now (in my art, in my journals, in my kitchen and bedroom, and in my wardrobe) are robbins egg blue and brown. I just love the combination . . . it makes me HAPPY. Here is another look at the cover: 

The first real page I did was this one below - and the subject came directly from my realization this week that I can't make everyone happy, and from my desire to surrender to the ME that I want to be. I had a vision of holding my hands up in the air, towards the sun, and letting it all go . . .

I think I want to Mod Podge the whole page. I think Mod-Podge is my new best friend. As a matter of fact, I want to mod-podge EVERYTHING right now . . . my dollar bills, the phone book, my sheets (ok, I'm kidding about the sheets.) But this page is definitely calling for some podge!

The next two pages are not complete and still need some work done to them. Cindi challenged me by teaching me some painting techniques for the pages, and I was just experimenting and getting colors and textures on the pages. I have some quotes I want to add to both of these, and can't wait to sit down and do some more work on them.

The whole process of starting this journal was emotional. I had to learn to put my guard down, let the dishes stack up (never realized how much messy kitchen can make me uninspired), and not worry about what the finish product was. Cindi taught me that it's ok to leave things for later. If you don't "feel" the page right now - move on. You don't have to force yourself to be miserable while creating. Simple things, I know, but things that I struggled with.

So, here is a new way of creating . . . Art Journal style. I'm excited. I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and doing something totally different. And I'm having fun.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow may bring!!



Affirmations & Gratitudes

After re-reading my blog posts the past few weeks, I've decided that it is time to move on, my dears. Time to look at the good . . . turn off the drama . . . take deep breaths . . . focus . . . affirm . . . and be grateful.

I can't take total credit for it, though. On Saturday, I had a therapy session at the Scrapbook Cellar. Yes . . . we scrapbook, we create, and we "therapize" (I thought I was so clever coming up with that word, therapize, this very minute. However trusty google has found that Urban Dictionary claimed that word long before me . . . therapize: to perform therapy on someone.) In any case . . . "therapize" is EXACTLY what the cellar girls and I do. And Saturday was a particularly GOOD session.

My dear friend Peggy (from "Small Steps to Giant Leaps") shared a great idea with us in starting an "Affirmations & Gratitude" journal. The idea is simple, and something that you have probably heard of before . . . twice a day, you should write down 10 affirmations and 10 gratitudes in life. It took one little mention of this journal, and I new that this is exactly what I needed in my life right now. So Sunday night I put my little journal together, and I wanted to share just a few photos of it with you.

 The journal is just a simple little Mead notebook that I picked up at Office Depot. It's tiny (only about 5 X 7 inches), but just the right size to keep on my nightstand. And jazzing it up with some swirlies and the butterfly makes me happy. Just the way to start (and end) the day. 

The inside of the notebook has this plastic page and envelope, where I placed some free-flowing charms and an email from my friend that helped me focus on the affirmations part. I struggled with the affirmations - because I wasn't sure what it was that I wanted to affirm. Peggy's email remind me that the "Affirmations are what you want of your life. It’s what you know you want your life to be. Because when you affirm it, you begin to feel it. And when you feel it, it manifests itself. Just make sure your affirmations are in present tense." That Peggy . . . she's a good one.

I also had a little pad of inspiring quotes in my scrapbook stash (something I had for years and never used) that I decided to incorporate into the journal. So I tore out of the book those quotes that fit with my theme of "affirmations & gratitudes" and placed them in various pages throughout the notebook. As I journal day to day, I will come across these thoughts and ideas and continue to be inspired and focused.

The next page inside includes a little note to myself about this journal. Just something to reference and remind . . . and a photo of myself that I printed in black & white. I kind of like that studious look I have there, don't you?

I don't think there is anyone who can keep a daily gratitude journal and NOT feel good. Just a few days into this, and I feel a greater sense of peace inside. It's not all deep thinking items, either. This morning, one of my gratitudes was coffee . . . because I am truly SO grateful for it on those mornings when I am dragging. It's remembering the little things, and the big things, that make this a great life.

Thanks so much for letting me share this little book with you. If you sometimes have a hard time remembering the good, I encourage you to start one of your own. It helps. Really.

Peg - thanks for all the therapizing!

Oh, and remember those chakras that were so blocked last week?  I think they are cleaning up a bit. My energy is a little higher, I have a clearer focus, and feel like I am on my way.

One gratitude at a time.

From Sunshine to Cookies to Not being Rotten

You know how you can say something over and over and you really believe, in your head, that you “get it”, but you really don’t “get it”?

You know how you can hear the words and think you can wrap your mind around it and absorb it and live it? But you really don’t?

You know what it’s like when you have that light bulb moment? Except it’s really more than a light bulb. It’s kind of like the sun is rising for the first time ever and you’re out there to see it, and all of a sudden that weight that has been sitting on your shoulders finally jumps off and you realize that you can see . . . really see . . . what is around you?

I’m feeling that today.

Because, honestly, for the very first time, I get it.

I can’t make everyone happy.

There. I said it.

And it’s ok.

Maybe it’s my whole new “surrender” feeling that I am focused on. But all of a sudden today, I feel like I get it. Really. And it’s good. It’s better than good. It’s. . . mind opening.

Kind of like . . . baking. I might bake you cookies - because you like cookies, and I want you to be happy. But if you aren’t going to be happy and really enjoy the cookies – there is nothing I can do. I can’t go back and bake you another batch of cookies, because chances are that second batch won’t make you any happier than the first batch. Right?

All I can do it bake you the cookies because 1) I like to bake, and 2) I like to share my cookies with you. But whether you really enjoy them or not, it’s not up to me. Whether you really receive them and accept them and enjoy them, or not – it’s ok. Maybe you have a cavity that is bothering you, and biting into those cookies might cause pain. I can’t be upset that you can’t enjoy them right now. The intention in which I made them is still the same. How you receive them is all that is different, and it is different because of what you have going on. Not because of me.

You mean, the world doesn’t revolve around me?

Gees, how did that happen? I thought is always did. ;)

So today, the sun came out. It shined down on me. And I received it. I surrender it. And I release it.

And I am not a rotten person. Realizing that I can not make everyone happy does not make me rotten.

I have to let that soak in. Because lately, I've been thinking I am rotten.

This is a pretty big lesson for someone like me to learn. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to make people happy. Truly. And only recently have I learned that while I can still be a positive person, and still spread my joy where ever I can, I can’t make everyone happy. It does not mean that they love me any less. It does not mean that I am any less of a person. I must remain honest to the person I am but I can not be responsible for the person others are. AND . . . IT IS O.K.. Wow. 40 years. And now I get it.

I have a vision for an art journal that reflects this new lesson. I'm going to work on it tomorrow - and I can't wait to share it with you. In the meantime . . . I wonder, do you “get it”? I’d love to know . . .

A Letter . . . on Father's Day

Dear Dad,

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I came to see you today. It's been a long time since I have been by, and I'm sorry for that. I do talk to you all the time, so hopefully you'll forgive me for not visiting in a while. But, I brought you a cup of coffee today, from Dunkin. A small with cream and sugar, just like you used to drink it. I'm sure people will think that I am nuts that I left it there for you . . . but I don't care. I know that you got a chuckle out of it, for sure.

So much has changed in the time you have been gone, Dad. You know, I have two little girls now. Oh, Daddy, you would just adore them. Katie is sensitive and thoughtful, but has this dramatic side to her that I am sure you would say comes from me. And Ella . . . oh, Dad, Ella is just about the best little thing you could ever imagine. Funny funny funny. You would just love her so much! I could imagine you running around with her tickling her and making her laugh - oh, I'm sure that you two would have been the best of friends . . . if you would have met her.

I haven't cried over you in a while. I think in the eight years you have gone - that the pain has healed, a little. That . . . or maybe I don't allow myself to think too deeply about you - because I'm sure the tears would start. Just seeing your name on the tombstone brought this overwhelming feeling over me - like my heart was in my throat. But to kneel by your side today brought this feeling of peace. I sure miss you, Dad. I miss so much about you, that if I think about right now, it will feel almost as if you just left. It's an awful feeling.

But I have to tell you, Daddy, that you would be so proud of Phil. Oh, Dad . . . he is such a good good man. He is a wonderful husband, Dad. He's done so well for himself. Hard-working, intelligent, sincere. All of the qualities that I admire in you. And as far as a father . . . oh, Dad, he is a WONDERFUL amazing father. He is the apple of Katie and Ella's eyes. Just as you always were to me. And I am so lucky to have married him.  I just wanted you to know that. So you don't have to worry about me, just in case you were worrying. Ok?

Actually, Dad. I am really good. Yes, I've been a little down lately. But I want you to know, that I am good. I have an amazing life, Dad, one that you would be so proud of. I have a home, a car, I pay my bills, always have food on the table, and I laugh, alot. I have this blog thing that you wouldn't totally understand . . . but it's a great place for me to create and share my words with other. And I have met some people from all around the world, Dad! From France, Italy, Australia, England . . . to all over our own country from California, Florida, Alabama, Minnesota . . . well, just about EVERYWHERE. Oh, it's a really cool thing.

Sissy is doing really well, too, Dad. She married a great guy named Claudio who is so much like YOU, it's funny. You would have been best friends with him. Oh, and Touhy . . . oh, don't worry about her, Dad. She is married, too, and has a gorgeous little girl. Yes, all of your girls are doing just fine, Dad.

Mom is doing well, too. She has a social calendar that books up faster than mine did when I was in college. She's made a number of really wonderful friends since you have been gone, and they all keep a special eye on her. She misses you, I know, and often talks about how she wishes you were here with us all. But she's a survivor. She's good, Dad. She had her knee replaced a couple years ago, and the other one is acting up now. But you know us - we always say we'll send her to Peoria if we need to! Speaking of Peoria - J & J are doing great, too. We went to Disney with them a few weeks ago. The girls love their Auntie and Uncle, and we had a blast. Oh, and Dad . . . just so you know . . . I've worked really hard on the B & D relationship, too. And I am really proud to say, that we are good. Really really good. As a matter of fact, I sat at their house last night listening to B go on about a story and thought, "Gees, I never would have imagined 5 years ago that I would be sitting here today listening to this." You'll be happy to know that, I am sure.

So, here we are, Dad. I'm sure I've taken up enough of your time. I know you probably have a Cubs Championship game to watch (as I'm certain in heaven your team ALWAYS WINS!). I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that not a day goes by when I don't think of you. And while life is really good right now - there is a big part of it that just sucks since you've been gone. I guess the part that sucks, is the part without you. Sorry about the language, but it's just true. (I don't really like that word - sucks - and find it really weird just typing it now, as I never really say it. But there is no other way to explain my feeling right now. So, that word has got to stay.)

I miss you more than I words could say, Dad. And if you have a second one night . . . maybe you could visit me in my dreams. It's been so long since you've done that.

Love you to the moon and back,
Your Daughter
Leanne

Just thinking . . .

I've been thinking so much about this post my friend, Nicole, wrote. The title "I think my chakras are blocked" grabbed me the moment I read it. YES. That's exactly it! I think MY chakras are blocked! And I have been thinking about it ever since.

Nicole wrote:

"I came to the conclusion - my spirit is blocked. There is a wall inside, and it's dark

and it's negative. My potential is not even close to being tapped into.

No, I am NOT nurturing myself. I am being lazy, I am resting..

resting all the damned time - but never feeling peace.

Every once in a while, when I have spent a little time alone,

I regroup and a twinge of hope surfaces.

But that underlying, dynamic "ME" is hiding in there."

I feel that. All of it. Way too often lately.

So, I've got some spirit cleaning up to do.

Tomorrow, I am getting together with my Scrapbook Cellar babes (LT, CE and PK). It's been way too long since we've gathered, due to some really crappy obstacles for some of my friends there. The strength those ladies have inspires me more than anything else in this word - and sitting with them tomorrow will be surely more therapeutic for me than any one of them. Yes, the cleaning of the spirit begins.

I will be back soon with life lesson learned this week . . . this time - it's what I learned about raising strong, courageous, independent women.  It's a good one . . .
 
Until then . . . just throwing some thoughts out there. I hope you all are having a lovely day - where ever you may be. How are your chakras? Just wondering . . .
 
I wish you Peace.

"Singin'" in the Guidebook

A few months ago, I had to call Comcast (our cable and Internet provider) with a question about some new charges appearing on our monthly bill. I’m usually rather tough when dealing with sales people who try to sell me more than I need . . . remember me? “I like what I like”? So, I found myself discussing our bill with a very polite man, who (surprisingly) took care of all my concerns and adjusted our account accordingly. As we were completing our phone call, he presented me with a GREAT offer . . . to receive their monthly magazine and guidebook in mail for a low fee of $3.00 a month.

Hmmm . . . do I really need this monthly guide? Of course not. I mean, we have a guide that appears right on the television to tell me what is on at any given moment. I don’t need a magazine to tell me. So, I turned him down. Then he offered me 6 months for free . . . and the subscription will continue after that at the low $3.00 a month rate.

You know those old Tom & Jerry cartoons? When Spike, the dog, is chasing Tom, the cat, and Tom climbs up to the top of a tree and watches Spike as he continues to run around and around chasing nothing. Then Spike finally stops and looks up and turns into a sucker? Yep . . . that’s me . . . I’m a . . .

So, we now receive this handy dandy little Comcast experience in the mail every month. And each month, I look through it page by page, front to back, because I have every intention of getting every single penny out of it (wait . . . didn’t I say it was free for 6 months? Oh, I digress). What is funny, though, is that the moment it first arrived, I found myself slipping into an old habit of mine I had long forgotten.

And here is where our story takes us next . . .

This goes back, way back, to when I was a young child of probably seven or eight years old.

Have I ever told you of my love for “Singin’ in the Rain”? Oh, my friends, I love that movie. Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds and Donald O’Conner . . . the most talented individuals who ever walked (danced) on this earth. I don’t remember the very first time I saw it, but I do remember my eyes being glued to the television as Gene Kelly danced right to the center of Debbie Reynolds heart. I can close my eyes and pick up any point of the movie in my mind. And when I start to hear any music from the movie, I know exactly what dance move was being done at that very moment, and can pat my thighs to the exact tap of their dancing feet. “Moses Supposes”, “Good Morning”, “All I do is Dream of You” and “Make ‘em Laugh” . . . ah . . . brilliant.

When I was a child, I remember anxiously awaited for the Sunday newspaper to arrive at our home . . . for the TV Guide. Quickly I would thumb my way to the back of the guide, where the alphabetical listing of all movies being aired that week would appear. My heart would beat faster and faster as I my fingers found the “S’s” and line by line my little fingers would read each title as I looking for Singin' In the Rain. Some weeks . . . nothing. Yet for some reason, I remember finding it there more often than you might think (as our local WGN channel would broadcast a great line-up of old classic movies for their Sunday matinees). On those days, the small 19” black and white kitchen television was mine. Well . . . mine, and Gene Kelly’s. And even though I had to sometimes hold the wire hanger (which connected to the broken off antenna) just right, it was worth every arm cramp I may have suffered just to watch Gene Kelly sing and dance.

A couple of weeks ago, our June Comcast guidebook came in the mail. Before I even thought about what I was doing . . . I found myself flipping to the back of the book, looking under the “S’s” for Singin’ in the Rain. And just as I thought . . . it isn't airing this month. However, there is always the chance that next month, some channel will show it. And while I now own the DVD and can easily pop it in the player at any second of the day, there is still something so fantastic about turning the channel on the T.V. and finding a movie you just love right there, the way it used to so many years ago. I could watch it over and over. (Oh, and Moonstruck, When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Little Women,  Staying Alive (yes, I said Staying Alive), Steel Magnolias, Beaches, The Way We Were, (there is a pattern of some really tear jerker movies there, huh?) and don't even get me started on Christmas Movies . . . the list would never end.

So . . . what about you? What movie would you look up in your guidebook? Leave me a comment . . . I'd love to know.

101 Things to do with your posts (after reading them) . . . OR . . . 101 Reasons why I really need a laptop

Ok, my friends . . . this is going to be a long one. You may want to come back later to read it, when you have a little more time. Or, perhaps you can print it out . . . and read it later (nudge nudge, wink wink, hold on - you'll understand why I said that in a bit.)

Have I told you that I really need to get a laptop? Well, I need to get a new laptop, because I have an old one. But it's kind of archaic and it's not wireless - a major bummer when trying to keep up with blog reading. I have this little wireless card that sticks out of the side - but it has been bumped so many times that the protective plastic cover (which is supposed to keep it from breaking) has broken, and never manages to stay on. Needless to say, the wireless Internet connection comes and goes and makes it really frustrating.

We have a really handy dandy desktop PC, of course. But I guess the problem there lies within the season.  As you are well aware, it’s June . . . beautiful June . . . sunny, warm weathered, playing outside, swimming and enjoying life June. The minute I get home from work, Katie and Ella are ready to play play play . . . and the last thing they want to do is wait for mommy to catch up with her blog friends. So, I find I've been taking some shortcuts lately, deciding to print my dear friends (that would be YOU) blog posts and put them in a brand new (left over from Katie’s school supplies) folder labeled “Mommy’s IMPORTANT Reading Materials”.

See . . . here is my folder . . .

So, I take this really important folder outside and sit on the lawn. And, as I enjoy the fun of the lovely summer nights outside, I read your posts. Because I often forget to include the name of the blog when I print out the post, I find many of these little posts have the name of the author scribbled across the top in my own handwriting. But you’ll be happy to know that I often know exactly whose post I am reading simply by the subject or story being told (well done, fair blog writers!)

As children run back and forth and games of tag are played, I read and laugh (and sometimes cry) over the very well written stories of my beloved blog friends.

So, I read . . . in the sun . . .and smile . . .and reflect . . . and think of all these wonderful things I want to say back to you, the blog writer. Of course, since I am simply reading from paper (and not directly from a new lovely laptop), I often find my comments and replies to your witty and thought provoking posts go unheard. Because as night time falls, I find that there are a million and one things that now require my indoor attention (and you know, Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey and Orange County are anxiously awaiting my eyes on the DVR . . . hey, I never said I was perfect!)

So, the evening comes and goes, morning comes . . . and I start the process again.

And in between, I’m left with a bunch of these brilliant words . . . on paper.

I do want you to know that I DO recycle. But sometimes, I want to make something creative with your words. So, I have to show you what a girl can turn blog posts into, (after reading them, of course):

a mask

a coloring book

a card

maybe even a fan

a ball

a puzzle

a doodle

or, maybe even a fortune teller game

But many of these printed papers return to the "Mommy's IMPORTANT Reading Materials" folder . . . because I'm just not quite ready to give them up yet. These are the really special ones that touched my soul. And there have been many.

See?

As I said . . . I need a new laptop. BIG TIME.

Or, I need winter . . . when sitting on the lawn isn’t such fun.

Nope. I'd rather have the laptop.

I guess the real reason for this post is to let many of you know that I visit . . .daily . . . and am moved by all of your amazing words and stories. But I PROMISE to do a better job of the comment thing. You’re brilliant – You inspire me – And your lives have enriched my very own. For that, I am most grateful to each and every one of you.

Keep writing, my friends. Keep telling your stories. You know that I’ll keep telling mine. And I’ll be by to comment soon . . . I PROMISE! Oh, and did you print this out? If you did - I just wonder what YOU will make with it . . .

Doing It

My friends . . . I think I'm going to do it.

No. No. That's not right.

I AM going to do it.

Yes. That's better.

I AM DOING IT.

Yes. I am.

Because, you see this . . . here . . . I'm right there . . . .at the tip . . . just ready . . .

All I needed was an email from a blog friend to hand me the chisel. That's all it took. (Kiki, thanks for the chisel! I'm chippin'!)

So, I have a dream. And in a couple of months,

. . . to fill my soul - to be inspired - to learn - to dream. It's expensive, but after a few lousy work weeks, I decided that I needed to do something to nourish this creative soul. I came home and had a long talk with PG about it, and within one hour, he found me outside and told me that he just booked my ticket. Like that. Poof!

"Really?" I asked him . . . over and over. I couldn't believe it. Yes, I have a keeper in him. For sure.

So, that's it. I'm DOING IT. I'm just at the tip of the iceberg - figuring out what I am going to do when I get there . . . . but it's going to be magic. Pure magic.

I know it.
I feel it.
I surrender.
I believe.

And I haven't been able to say all of that in a long time.

So . . . have any dreams of your own lately? DO IT!

One Mans Junk is Another Mans . . . Junk **UPDATE**

Found from Google image search.

 'Tis the season, my friends, for our annual neighborhood garage sale!!!

It's amazing to me how year after year I plan, with great anticipation, for this day. Not that I am trying to make a lot of money . . . but it's the whole purging and simplifying part that goes with it that I enjoy.

Yet when the weekend comes, I lose my steam. I'm ready to give up the thought of looking through another box in our basement, and long for it all to be over.

It's Garage Sale Time!

It seems every year we have one or two items (usually larger furniture pieces) that we are focused on really getting rid of. Usually it's because of their large size and our lack of energy in transporting them to Goodwill that brings out that major "car salesman" role in me. If someone can take it off our hands and find a good use for it - the AMEN! And if you can't take it off our hands . . . stick with me and I'll have you thinking you CAN in no time at all!

This year is no exception. I actually have 2 items I am really focused on selling this year - one is our old kitchen set and the other is our even older big screen (not flat screen) television set. It's 49 inches, or something like that, and is about the size of the back of our mini-van. And I would LOVE to have someone come into my garage and just HAVE to HAVE both of these items.

Interested?

I didn't think so.

So, just a quick post today to tell you what we were up to the next two days. Wish us luck . . . and if you know anyone in need of an extra large television . . . let me know! ;)

Wishing all of you a wonderful day!

9:45 AM UPDATE:
THE T.V. SOLD!!! At $50 bucks . . . IT WAS A STEAL!!!!! WAHOOOO!!!!

I like what I like. Period.

Years ago, when I met PG, he was a bachelor boy living in a second floor apartment above his dad and step-mom's home. He was as independent (as much as living in a second floor apartment above your parents home) as can be. He was young. And he was . . . troubled.

I say this, because I very clearly remember opening his kitchen cabinet one visit, and seeing the unthinkable. Talking about this now is kind of hard for me. So, please bear with me.

His cabinet was stocked with what had to have been 6 EXTRA LARGE (purchased from a warehouse club, like Costco) jars of . . . Miracle Whip.

Gasp!!!!

AAAAAAAAA!!!!

THE HORROR!!!!

It's amazing to me that we ever fell in love.

Because,  my dears, I am a Hellmann's Girl. Always have been. Always will. I mean, I ask you . . . is there really any question as to which it the better mayo? Seriously.

PG swears, to this day, that the Miracle Whip belonged to his room mate. To me, it's just as bad as if it belonged to him. Because a TRUE Hellman's Mayonnaise lover would NEVER allow Miracle Whip to rest in their cupboard. Never.

Fast forward to present day.

PG has converted to the RIGHT SIDE (the Hellmann's side). And while we don't really use mayonnaise that often in our home, there is an occasional need to have it on hand. When we need it, we ALWAYS have Hellmann's. That was, until PG arrived home from Costco a few weeks ago with . . . this . . .

 I mean . . . seriously. . . where have I gone wrong? Will he ever learn?

"What is this??" I asked him, still in shock from the purchase.

"Honey, it's Kirkland Mayo," he answered. "You wouldn't believe how cheap it was! Hellmann's was like, $6.99 for a big jar. This was only $3.99!"

'HELLOOO!!!! There is a REASON it's only $3.99, honey,' was what I really wanted to say. Instead, I said, "Well, I really prefer Hellmann's."

"Yeah," he said, "but this was only $3.99. This will last us much longer, too."

'YEAH, because it will taste like p**p!' was what I really wanted to say.

Yesterday, I made a delicious chicken salad with wheat pasta, red grapes and celery. It's a favorite summer dish of ours. The dressing is mayonnaise. And I had to use . . . the Kirkland Mayonnaise.

My friends . . . it kind of tasted like . . . MIRACLE WHIP. PG said the salad was delicious. And me? I LIKE what I LIKE. Period.

Tomorrow I'm going to the store. The first thing on my list . . . HELLMANN'S.

Are you a Hellmann's Girl, too? Leave me a comment and tell me. I promise I won't think ill of you . . . ;)

A Daily Journey Word Update

I realized it's been quite a while since I've shared a photo with you of my daily journey. Here is a picture I took about a month ago that I forgot to post . . . spring was starting, the leaves were coming out from hiding and starting to show (my allergies were proof of it), and those cold bare branches were feeling good . . .

Today, I took this photo. Hard to believe in a few short weeks the trees have gotten so full . . .

As I drove to work this morning, I felt very peaceful and calm. The radio was off, the window was rolled down, and it was me and my mini-van - alone on this road. I pulled over to the side and could have sat there for hours. Unfortunately, I had to get to work. All of a sudden, I found this calm state I have been in such need of for the past weeks. I sat there listening to the sounds of birds in the trees,and the rustle of leaves moving in the wind. And I gave it all up. The worry. The anger. The fear. The "what ifs".

Seems like I've turned the page and started a new chapter in this life of mine, a new journey.

You see, I'm not completely certain - but I think a lot of it has to do with turning 40. I think I'm letting go, finally, of some things in life. I'm realizing the preciousness of me, and I'm listening to my inner whispers more and more each day. I care deeply for those who care back. In doing that, I've come to realize that I can no longer sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others. Does that sound selfish? I don't mean it to. I think I am just tired. And I long for peace. So, I'm doing it. For me.

With this new state of mind, I think I need a new word to focus on.

Is that allowed? You know, the whole "Word of the Year" thing? Is it ok to change your word mid-year? Heck, why am I asking? There are no rules . . . of course I can change my word. So, here goes. In the beginning of 2011, my focus was on BELIEVE. And while I still believe in the word BELIEVE, I feel life right now has me looking in a different direction. Whatever it is, when I visited my friend Bev's blog this morning, it hit me like a brick . . .

sur-ren-der

transitive verb

1. a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand

    b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

2. a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another

    b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

I surrender; to this amazing life I am living, to this life I have always dreamed of.
I surrender; to myself, to listening to myself, to believing in myself, to making myself happy.
I surrender; to laughter, to dreaming, to creating, to loving.
I surrender; to the God I believe in, to the family I love, to the children I adore, and to the amazing man I have married.

I surrender. Don't be mistaken - I am not giving up and I am not giving in. I am just finally letting go of a number of things that have taken up my energy. I surrender to what really matters, and I am not compromising myself and my state of mind any longer. It's refreshing. It's exhilarating. It's peaceful.

Have you ever done that? Surrendered and let go of the anger, the hurt, the worry? You know, today my dear blog friend Nicole wrote about starting a new BOOK in her life . . not a new chapter - but a new BOOK. I like that . . . I think that's a really awesome way to put it. And it helps me realize that I am not alone . . . that many of us are feeling similar feelings, even though our situations may be totally different. Amazing, isn't it, how the universe works?

Well, to Nicole . . . my dear, start that new book! I will be here, reading line by line, and wondering what my own book would look like, too. And to any others who may feel like this . . . consider starting your new book. Tell me about. I'd love to know if you feel the need right now. Or, maybe you just need a New Word for the remainder of the year. I sure do.

I have a feeling starting something new might be just what I need right now. And I feel like it's going to be a good. Really Good.

The Sights of Summer

I know that the season doesn't officially start for a couple of weeks, but we are well in summer mode in our home. Ella completed her first year at pre-school last week, and tomorrow will be Katie's last day of 2nd grade. I can't believe how fast the year is going. Usually when June hits, I start to think . . . a little . . . about the Christmas Holiday (gasp! How DARE I even think such a thing!). I usually start to plan out gifts I wish to make and special things I want to prepare for.

But so far . . . Christmas is the farthest from my mind (thank goodness, huh?)

Here are just a few of the sights of our June, so far . . .

POOL TIME!  Yes, 'tis the season. And lucky for me, on Sunday my pool boy (aka: PG, aka: Phil, aka: the hubby) returned from a business trip and was all ready to set up our pool. Now, don't let this picture fool you . . . we don't have a very extravagant pool set up. Wait . . . it is extravagant, now that I think about it. 

Yep. That's our little blow-up piece of pool heaven! I know, it's sad. But, it's ours. It's cheap (wahoo!), and it's big enough for our family, but not so big that all the neighbors want to swim in it! ;) By the way . . . check out that lawn . . . pretty lovely, don't you think? I'm only braggin' because if you remember my posts last summer (click here to be reminded), I am not much of a lawn and garden sort of girl. But I have actually been doing much of the mowing this year so far, as PG has had lots of out of town work. And I think it looks like a plush green carpet . . . don't you?

Next, I have to share our three rose bushes . . . because they are just gorgeous . . .

It's like the clouds opened up and the Rose Gods sprinkle magic dust on them. Gorgeous.

So, as of tomorrow at 11:05 AM (when Katie's bus arrives to return all the kids back to their homes), SUMMER will begin in our home!!! I'm looking forward to a lot of reading, swimming, bbq's and back yard fun with family and friends this summer.

Oh, one more photo to share with you . . . taken just about 30 minutes ago. The girls picked out a very special birthday present for me this year, one that would encourage a great deal of relaxation. And they borrowed it this evening . . .

They wanted to enjoy some relaxing time of their own . . . in my two pool loungers. Aren't they fantastic? I laughed so hard when I opened the box . . . I didn't even know if they would fit IN the pool! But PG blew them up tonight, and the girls hopped right on them and immediately decided to practice some meditation while floating in the pool. Too cute! I can't wait for the next free moment I have when I can try one out myself (and I am grateful, for the sake of my neighbors, that we have a 6' fence!)

Have a wonderful Summer, my friends!!! (What are you looking forward to?)

I'm Not Chubby

Another tear jerking moment, my dear friends. This one took place just moments ago. As Katie and Ella are now outside enjoying a bit of this gorgeous June evening, I found myself running to the computer to share this latest story with you. I am so afraid of the memory falling into that empty pit in my mind that I just had to write this down. 

You see . . . I'm not chubby.

At least, not in the eyes of my Katie.

And that, my friends, has my very own eyes filling up with tears as I type.

A short while ago, I stood at our kitchen sink, cleaning our dinner dishes and glancing up out the kitchen window every few seconds, as that golden hour of sunlight tickled the top of our back yard lawn. Suddenly, the front screen door stretched open and I could hear Katie and Ella running into the house. "Mommy!!!" "Mom!!" "Mom, I didn't say it!!!" "Mom, Mom, Mom . . . Ella said something mean about you," and even other exclamations were heard as Katie and Ella made their way into the kitchen.

"Mommy, I didn't say it. It was an accident," Ella said. Ella is at that stage in life when everything she does that might hurt or harm someone is an 'accident', even when you know very well that it was not.

"Mom, Ella just said something really mean about you," said Katie, my sensitive one.

"What happened, honey?" I asked Katie.

"Mom, we were all outside playing and we were saying 'the tree is chubby', and 'that blade of grass is chubby' and 'that bird is chubby', when Ella said, "Mommy is chubby'." Katie's eyes were as wide as can be, and I could tell that this really bothered her.

"No, I didn't, Mom," demanded Ella, "it was an accident. I didn't mean you. I meant that robot Mommy." 

That explanation, alone, made me chuckle inside. Robot Mommy? Hmmm . . .wonder where that one came from and why she wasn't here doing the dishes.

"Well, Katie," I said, "while that might not have been the nicest thing Ella could have said, it is true. I am chubby. And as you both know, people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Mommy is chubby. I'm working on not being chubby, but now . . . this is me, and I am chubby."

And what happened next . . . is what I really never expected. Katie, my sensitive one, started to cry. I mean really cry. Big crocodile tears.

"But Mom," she said, "you aren't chubby . . . you are perfect. Just perfect Mom. You aren't chubby," she repeated, over and over, as she walked across the kitchen and buried her crying eyes in my chest. "She shouldn't have said that," said Katie.

My eyes filled up with tears. And Ella, my dramatic one, turned and ran upstairs as she screamed the most dramatic cry imaginable . . . one that might have you thinking someone just said something about her. Which, I guess, is exactly what happened.

I knelt down on the floor and Katie just sobbed in my chest. I kept telling her it was ok, that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that we needed to teach that to Ella, when she said, "But Mom, I just don't like that she said that." I asked her why it bothered her so much, and she said, "Because I love you, and I don't want anyone to ever hurt your feelings. And I bet that hurts your feelings."

I'm telling you . . . if I could have bottled up that little girl and kept her on a shelf to stay this way for ever, I would have. Just when I think I love them as much as I possibly can, they go and do something that makes me love them even more.

After a good 5 minutes of hugs, dish towel tear wipes, and kisses on the forehead, my sensitive one was ready to return outside.

Then it was time to teach. Boy oh boy, I know that no one said it was easy. But it sure is hard . . . teaching. . . teaching a young child how to treat others, helping them understand how their words can hurt. And teaching them to think before saying something that might hurt someone. Off I went.

I found Ella sitting on the stairs, with her head buried in her lap and arms. She wanted nothing to do with me, and she certainly didn't want any lesson from me. So I knelt on the stair and waited. As the minutes passed and I called out her name, I could see how badly she felt. Perhaps the lesson had already begun.

"Ellie," I told her, "I want you to know that I love you. And I know that you did not mean to hurt Mommy. I want you to know that no matter what happens in life, I will always love you." With each word I spoke, she scooted her little bottom closer to me.

"I want you to remember something, though. There are lots of different people in this world, honey. There are big people. There are little people. There are short people. There are tall people. There are yellow people, and orange people, and brown people. . . "

"And red people?" she asked.

". . . and red people," I continued, "and all of these people have feelings. And saying something about someone can really hurt their feelings. In our house, we love all people. And I want you to know that I will always love you. For as long as I live, I will do my very best to never say anything to hurt your feelings.  Do you understand?" I asked.

"Yes, Mommy," she answered.

"What you said was true, honey," I continued, "Mommy is chubby. But, those words hurt Mommy. Because maybe Mommy doesn't want to be chubby. Maybe Mommy feels being chubby is a bad thing. So, when you say that, it hurts my feelings."

"Do you understand?" I asked.

"Yes, Mommy," she answered.

"Good. Now, let's go have a sip of water, and you can go back outside and play," I said.

After washing our faces and having a cold glass of water, Ella was ready to return to her sissy and her friends. And I felt like we had just gone through a very valuable lesson in our home. Minutes after she returned outside, she came back in and squeezed me from behind as I stood at the kitchen sink. "I love you, Mommy," she said, "even if you aren't chubby." And with a quick spin she was off, back outside playing.

Yes, it's ok. I may be chubby. But in the eyes of my daughters, I'm perfect.

And in my eyes, they are pretty perfect, too.